Doppelgänger

Do you ever wonder what happened to Pauline Hanson? I sure don't, so you can imagine my surprise to come across the following poster and discover that she's moved to Germany to moonlight as a cabaret singer with the clever pseudonym of 'Gayle Tufts'.

Some like it Hot! Others pray to god that it won't be.

If she's expecting Berlin to be a hotbed of ignorant racial prejudice and discriminatory immigration policies, she's 70 years too late.

wunderbar

Yes, it's a thing. How could it not be?

and yes, it is perched on my sexy thigh.

It contains traces of gluten, though, even though there's no need for it to, so it's not really a wunderbar wunderbar.

Getting More Bäre

I am sure that you have all been waiting breathlessly for the next installment of Berlin Bear discoveries. Well, you may now slide back from the edges of your seats, exhale in relief and gaze in wonder as I present the Next Few Bears What I Have Come Across While Walking About The Place.

First up we have this wholly blue chap outside the Deutsche Bank on Freidrichstraße. I assume he is the Bank's bear because he is the same colour as their logo. Also, he is pretty boring. 

typical bank bear: hollow, soulless eyes

Even the Berlin Beer has a Bear on it

same upright arms, too

Das Brot

Yep, sure, I know - it's a bit odd doing a post about bread on a blog that has the word 'glutenfrei' in its title, even if that word is in parenthesis. Nevertheless, I press on, because it's (half) my blog and I find it mildly interesting. So, I present to you, with nary a flourish, my List of Things about Bread in Germany that I Find Mildly Interesting, Certainly Interesting Enough, at least, to Ponder Over, Wistfully Perhaps, While I Sip my Soy-Chunk Coffee in the One-Room Apartment I Call Home while Alone and Unemployed on a Tuesday. 

Not all Street Art is Un-Horrific

Most of the time in Berlin, happening across street art brings a delightful smile to the viewer's face and brightens the day. Whether it's gigantic rats climbing a coffee-shop wall, a monster made of streamers nearby a primary school, or one of a legion of differently-painted bears, whimsy is never far away.

Some other times, it's less whim and more wham. And not the fun, gay, prancing Wham! - this is the smack-to-the-face kind. 

Nothing illustrates 'love art hate cops' like strung-up game.

Bad start to the (ice cream) season

You may recall that I was a little bit giddy at the prospect of ice-cream season in Berlin. The season kicked off yesterday, so of course Vicky and I were down there that evening. 

It didn't go as well as planned.

Everything's coming up Mülhaus!

up Mülhauser Street

Vego Foodworld

I feel a bit guilty for my post slagging off Germany for doing spicy food so poorly. I stand by it, proudly pointing at its impressive accuracy, but I still feel a bit bad. This may be due to the next post I'll write about Asian food in Berlin in general - hoo boy will that be a corker! - and the potential overall impression that food in Germany sucks noodles (which is what they call pasta, but that's another rant). 

Please allow me to rectify.

Here is a glutenfrei donut

As mentioned, the weather in Berlin in the weekend just past was superb. Vicky and I decided to celebrate by heading out to West Berlin, buying a fancy picnic lunch at KaDeWe and eating a fancy picnic lunch in the Tiergarten.

Now, get ready to rub your eyes in disbelief because we also discovered a glutenfrei Berliner to eat for dessert.

Viva la revolucion! (of the Earth around the Sun)

This weekend in Berlin the weather was eerily similar to a Perth winter. The temperature hovered around 20˚C and Berliners flocked to the sunny parts of the streets. However, as chuffed as Vicky and I were to get out in the sunshine and get some (much needed) Vitamin D, we also didn't fancy cramming ourselves alongside hundreds of Germans on popular outdoor seating, nor wait in the mind-boggling-ly long line for ice-cream (out of season!). How could we, too, enjoy this wonderful turn in the season?

Luckily, Maria Bonita came to our rescue. She sells take-away margaritas. We were able to get a couple and stroll around P-Berg in shirtsleeves and comfort. 

salt-encrusted rim and all

It was spectacular.  Saturday was the warmest day in Berlin for over one hundred years. I enjoyed my first iced-drink on the streets. Thank you, global warming conspiracy!

Catch this Cab? Only for unfulfilled thrills.

Not too long ago, when I was still young, Vicky and I were strolling through Kaiser's supermarket. (Yes, we shop like kings, dammit, like KINGS!). A few shops prior to that, we were also strolling through the aisles at Kaiser's when the following caught my eye:

Stop Homo Trans Phobia

ice-cream season

Berlin has an ice-cream season! 

Strutting down the street yesterday, I very happily chanced across the following sign:

On 22 March the Ice-Cream Season starts! Also, you may be pampered from 1-7pm

As a keen aficionado of sweet dairy treats, this sign initially had me beaming. Soon after, however - may 5-6 steps further away - I had to stop and think about it a little bit more, finger to my lips. I've been eating ice-cream already. Out of Season. 

Octuple X

This is a truly-ruly sign outside a menswear store. I know the stereotypical German is a jolly portly fellow in ill-fitting britches but how can a store survive specialising only in sizes extra-extra large to extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra large? 

Surely if you're large enough to wear octuple-extra large, you: 

• Probably shouldn't be able to leave the house via conventional means.
• Might as well just wrap yourself in a bedsheet and be done with it.
• Shop over the internet. For everything. 

On the other hand, it might be some kinky German sex thing I don't understand - yet. Could I handle octuple-x-rated? Stay tuned to find out!

Or feel free to log off, really; just be sure to come back. Thanks.

Bärlin

For some reason that nobody knows, the animal symbol of Berlin is a bear. Perhaps it is because Berliners, just like bears, are often portrayed as cute, cuddly, bumbling, loveable and overweight stereotypes on the television, always getting into all manner of comical strife. I have also discovered that the locals like to cook breakfast (porridge of variable temperatures) and then abandon it uneaten in favour of a walk in the woods instead. Crazy mofos. 

And Berliners, just like bears, can also be incredibly vicious when provoked and swat your head clean off with just one swipe of their gigantic, clawed paws. 

HEAD SHOP

Head Shop

Unfortunately, I think it's just a low budget or lazy hairdressers'. They'll probably be a bit miffed if you just walk in and ask for head, shrunken or otherwise. 

Fahrschule

Those of you who remember my cycling post about the courteousness of Berlin drivers may find your jaws dropping at the following advertisement, just as mine did:

Bogan Driving School

Yes, it would seem that Berlin has a driving school for bogans. Considering how few numbskulls are on the road doing boglaps in lowered HSVs, and how few sheepskin steering wheel covers I have seen, I don't think they have a very good pass rate.

Spring - Sprung

It's March in Berlin and Spring has definitely arrived on schedule. The bare sticks outside our apartment window are sprouting green knobs

I still shake a bit from the cold, though, so apologies for the blur